Legit Parenting
Legit Parenting
The Path to Can-Do Learning: Supporting Neurodiverse Children Through Academic Challenges
When children struggle academically, the path forward can feel overwhelming for parents. This episode delves deep into the world of neuroexceptional students – those with learning disabilities, ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, and other learning differences – with education specialist Abby Belasco, founder of Can Do Learners.
Abby's journey from a struggling student with learning disabilities to a passionate educator uniquely positions her to understand both sides of the learning equation. She walks us through the crucial transition that happens around third grade, when children shift from "learning to read" to "reading to learn" – a pivotal point where learning differences often become more apparent and impactful.
The conversation explores how comprehensive assessments can reveal specific learning gaps that school-based evaluations might miss, providing parents with clear roadmaps for support. Abby unpacks the executive functioning challenges many neuroexceptional students face – those critical skills of organization, time management, and task initiation that become increasingly important through middle and high school.
What makes this episode particularly valuable is the practical guidance offered throughout. From specialized tutoring approaches like the Orton-Gillingham method for dyslexia to simple strategies like paper planners and visual calendars, listeners will gain tangible tools to support struggling learners. The discussion also addresses the often-overlooked importance of teaching self-advocacy, helping students understand their learning profiles and confidently communicate their needs.
The philosophy of "can-do learning" permeates the conversation – the belief that with the right support, students can transform from feeling defeated by academic challenges to embracing them as opportunities for growth. Parents and educators alike will find hope and direction in this rich discussion about helping neuroexceptional children thrive beyond the classroom walls.
To Learn More About Abby Belasco and Can Do Learners, visit her website at: candolearners.com
Welcome to Legit Parenting, where imperfect parents build resilient kids and families. A place to learn real solutions based in brain science to fit your unique parenting style. We show you how to tackle today's challenges for children and teens. Remember, when it comes to raising kids, you just have to be this side of good enough. Join us and we will show you how this side of good enough. Join us and we will show you how. I'm your host, craig Nippenberg. I've been a child and family therapist for nearly 40 years. I'm the business owner of one of Colorado's largest private practices, best-selling author and father of four. In my fathering world, I've been a birth dad, a single parent, a step-parent, an adoptive parent, a parent of exceptional students and a grandparent of two. By my side is Sydney Moreau, our production manager and mother of three ages preschool through 18. Together, we bring you a guilt-free parenting perspective with solutions that actually fit into your real life.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Legit Parenting. I'm your host, craig Nippenberg, along with our producer, sidney Moreau. It's midwinter, I think we have a month left till spring, but this is that time of year when kids are just grinding it out and there's a great deal of growth during this time of year. You really see, after spring break you'll see most of the students' brains are really ready for the next year. They've really matured during this three-month stint, although it's interrupted with quite a few holidays. We just got off President's Weekend. A lot of kids had four days off. But this is that time of year when kids are just cranking it out and you'll see struggles for some of them. So today's topic we're going to talk about neuroexceptional students, and when I say neuroexceptional you'll also hear the term neurodivergent. All students are neurodiverse, everyone is. Everybody has a different brain, but neuroexceptional students would be students with learning disabilities, adhd, autism spectrum disorder, and so we're going to address that today. And this one follows up on an episode this fall if you haven't checked it out with Mary Judy, who helps families find the supports and services that their child is legally allowed to have and are supposed to have, and she helps parents do that. Today we're going to get a little more in the trenches with learning support, tutoring that your child might need. And again, it fits in perfectly for this time of year.
Speaker 2:This was about the time of year when my son in first grade. The teacher said we think he's showing some red flags for dyslexia and being dyslexic myself. I thought that's a high probability because it's mostly genetic. His mother, on the other hand, was a phenomenal, was a journalist, so she had that down. But love of reading never came to me until I got much older. But it was about this time of year that I said, okay, let's get him tested. We went through with that. A lot of parents sometimes are hesitant about the testing, but it couldn't have worked out better. And indeed it said he's on the borderline. So you have to think about to be diagnosed with a learning disability or ADHD. You think of a spectrum of no problems at all, median problems, and then, yes, they have the diagnosis Now about the 15%, 10% to 15% range before the actual diagnosis, what you call a shadow syndrome, which means they're in that realm but they're not fully. But they've got red flags and the testing indeed showed that he was in the shadow area. So we got him started and they had a school-based learning program that he started for reading and then over the summer we did tutoring, which was very helpful for him and really set him up for success throughout the years, and I couldn't have been more happy about that. So, on that note, our guest today will help us learn about the support services that are available outside of school. So some of the schools have support services some better than others, I've got to tell you and it varies by district or your local school. So I want to welcome Abby Bolesko. She's here to talk to us about that. I'll read her bio quick.
Speaker 2:Abby Bolesko is a wife, mom and teacher with over 15 years of classroom experience. As a child, abby was diagnosed with learning disabilities and thought she would never succeed until her mom found a tutor named Lydia. That's a great name. Working with Lydia helped Abby gain confidence in herself and her schoolwork started to improve. Work started to improve Throughout her educational journey. Abby learned to believe in herself and become a teacher to share her love of learning with those who struggled in a conventional classroom. I wish I had that in retrospect. I didn't get that until I went to university. The love of learning that came much later for me, after earning a master's degree in literacy from CU Boulder go Buffs.
Speaker 2:Abby's professional experience in education began as a third grade teacher at Superior Elementary School in Superior, colorado, which is right up by Boulder. She taught third grade for a decade before switching to fourth. Oh, those are the golden age of childhood. Third and fourth graders are the best. Later she earned her national board certification in literacy. And fourth graders are the best. Later she earned her national board certification in literacy. Abby left the classroom, opting to work as a full-time mom after the birth of her second child, but the urge to teach was strong and she couldn't stay away long. She started tutoring part-time in Central Park, denver, colorado. 25 years and two neurodiverse children later, abby is proud to be leading a team of educators and supporting children on their path to becoming can-do learners and I want to get that on a t-shirt. Abby Welcome. First of all, welcome to the show.
Speaker 4:Thank you very much. I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 2:Yes, and you got to do can-do t-shirts. My favorite t-shirt is my suffer t-shirt and it's the philosophy of suffering that you have to embrace suffering in order to move forward. And back when I was working at a private school, we would have little breakfast. About every trimester we'd have a breakfast for the students who were getting learning support. It was so much fun. We'd go in early and have you know page threes or whatever, and I'd wear my Suffer t-shirt and talk to the kids about. Yeah, I had to suffer through reading too, but now it's one of my favorite things and I'd start every morning with an hour of reading and I just love that. So that is a can-do learner, so I love it. Now I also love the fact that you're an exceptional. You're a neuroexceptional yourself, you're a mom, you have two neuroexceptional kids and you work with struggling students, needless to say you really are in the trenches?
Speaker 4:Yeah, definitely, I want to help those kids that I was when I was in elementary school, because I hated feeling stupid. I hated feeling like I didn't know what was going on and that's why I became a teacher and I am really living my passion right now by helping connect students who struggle with amazing, energetic, excited teachers and there are a lot of those teachers out there. We just have to find them and connect them with students who struggle Because, unfortunately, since COVID, it has been really difficult, and this is where I see that kids have suffered the most is in their learning at school.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they haven't caught up. I've talked recently about the latest research that they're still struggling. It really impacted them and the teachers are too. Teachers' mental health is at an all-time low. Leaving the field is at all-time high. They're really struggling and it was an honor for me to be at a keynote at Courage to Risk, which is for special education teachers, social workers, psychologists back several weeks ago, and there are a lot of very young, very enthusiastic teachers that really want to help these children, but many times the stress in the job is too much and the low pay and everything else.
Speaker 4:I encourage them to come and contact me, because I am looking for more amazing teachers to come and join my team. Parents are finally realizing that we need to do something during the summer besides just veg out the tablet, and I'm looking for more teachers to join my team.
Speaker 2:That's awesome and it speaks to the need. There is a lot of need for the services you're offering. So maybe start by telling us so your services are outside of school. Why don't you tell our audience kind of the breadth and depth of the services that you offer?
Speaker 4:Sure.
Speaker 4:So one of the first things that is really important to look at when you're considering getting a tutor is trying to find out where your child is, and I feel that sometimes the communication between school and home is lacking, and one of the services that we offer is assessments. So if you're curious as to how your child is doing, we do some reading assessments to help parents understand where the holes are. Currently in public schools they're doing something called iStation and parents get a very short report with very little information. We offer assessments that can give parents a lot more information and then can also recommend steps for how to pick up the pieces and fill in the holes and continue going, because, as kids are growing up, this is an important thing to tell parents.
Speaker 4:Kids typically learn how to read from kindergarten to third grade and then in third grade they switch from learning how to read to reading, to learn. So we really want kids to be reading by third grade, because the assignments that they get in school require them in fourth and fifth and sixth and middle school to read something and then extrapolate information, write about it, make connections. So we offer assessment services, first to find out where kids are and then the next thing that we offer is one-on-one tutoring. Let's say, a parent calls me up and my kid is struggling with reading comprehension. I have teachers who are in that third, fourth, fifth grade realm and they can support them with their reading comprehension skills.
Speaker 4:The next thing that we also offer is help with executive functioning, and executive functioning is something that lots of parents aren't really sure about. I totally recommend Googling it. There's lots of great information out there, but kids need to develop those executive functioning skills when they're in fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth grade in order to be successful in high school. When we have multiple teachers, different assignments, kids have to be able to find things on their computer. It is a whole different realm than we had 15, 20 years ago, because everything is on the computer.
Speaker 2:And school of Schoology is impossible for anyone to figure out the students, the parents. You can't figure out anything.
Speaker 4:Exactly a bunch of middle school and high school teachers who work with me to help kids navigate Schoology, create calendars, color code their learning so that they know each color is a different subject, and then how to study for tests. Unfortunately, teachers are encouraged to push kids along to the next grade and these skills need to be specifically taught for some kids who struggle. Some kids get it and have no problem, but for the neurodiverse community they need to go slowly, they need repetition and they need purposeful instruction and a lot of times, kids will not get it from their parents.
Speaker 4:They want nothing to do with their parents. But bringing someone into your home who is totally separate is the best thing that I've noticed can help kids to learn and be successful in high school and then, hopefully, go to college. I often will say to parents do you really want your kid living on your couch when they're 25? And most of them will say, oh, no, of course not. We are in the trenches now and we need to teach these kids the skills, and it needs to be purposeful and important. I often will tell parents have you ever cooked with your kid? Cooking a meal with them, following directions and the ingredients, recipes, is so important and those are life skills that they're going to need as they grow up.
Speaker 2:Yes, I just want to break. I took several notes on what you just said. I want to break it down a little bit more for our audience. So first of all, the assessment piece. Our daughter, when she joined our family, was midway through first grade and she was like at a four-year-old reading level and so we thought for sure she had dyslexia. I had a dear friend of mine who did tutoring and she did some assessments on her and she said she doesn't have dyslexia, she's just never been read to and it was just a lack of exposure. And she started working with our daughter and she was so proud in fifth grade when she finished Lexia that online reading thing.
Speaker 2:She was one of the top five kids and she got a candy bar from the teacher for being one of the top five to finish it and she was so proud of herself. But it wasn't dyslexia, she just didn't have exposure to reading. So it's really important to figure that out. And then you mentioned that transition from learning to read to reading to learn, and at my class for fourth graders I talked to them at the start of the year about the fourth grade mountain and you start out in kindergarten you're just learning the basics.
Speaker 2:First grade, second, third, you're learning how to read, and the analogy I use is that you're like a construction person. They're not going to have you operate some fancy equipment right off the bat. First you got to learn the basics and the tools and how to use them, and after enough years of experience then you're going to actually use those tools to build something or to tear something down, and I can give that to a novice. And that's the same transition. You go from learning how to read. Okay, now that you know how to read, we're going to use reading to learn more.
Speaker 2:And it's a big step up and that's why I draw a picture of a mountain on the board and say, okay, welcome to the mountain. The good news is you're all going to survive. But I asked the children like early in the fall how are you feeling about fourth grade? It would be like stressed there's so much homework, it's overwhelming. And then at the end of the year I'd ask them how do you feel now? And they're all like proud, happy. We made it and you all made it together. That's it.
Speaker 2:You supported each other. And then in terms of executive functioning, so for our audience, your prefrontal cortex, the top half, does what's called executive function skills. So that's paying attention, getting started on something. Teacher says, pull this out. You got to get started on it and stay focused while you're doing it and not get distracted by a squirrel in the tree. And then when they say okay, we need to switch to another subject, you have to end that one and then start a new one.
Speaker 2:That also flows into another executive function, which is organization and some of the kids. Their desks are all perfect. They have their books lined up, they're ready to go, and you look at another desk and it looks like a bomb went off in their desk and you can always tell who has struggles with it because they have tons of fidgets, also little origami things, eraser tips, you name it. It's stuffed in their desk and they really struggle finding the right book and there's always a child that has to sharpen their pencil like six times and making the noise with the sharpener and it takes them forever to get going, stay organized and put their tools away. It's also working memory and for our audience that means if the teacher says, okay, pull out your books, turn to page 16, start on problem three. Well, you only need to remember that till you're on page 16, problem three, and then your brain loses it. But you get the kids who halfway through getting their stuff out, they can't find their stuff. And then all of a sudden they're thinking about the teacher and they're like I wonder if she had braces when she was a kid. And then all of a sudden they're thinking about the teacher and they're like I wonder if she had braces when she was a kid. And then they get back and, sure enough, they've lost track and they turn to page 13 or page three and the teacher says no, it's page 16, number three. And they're like no, I heard you say three, you said three for sure. And they're like look at the other kids, what page are they on? And you're like, oops, they kind of lost that.
Speaker 2:And then it's also time management, which is the ability to perceive the passing of time and to stay on track. So if you're taking an exam and you look at the clock and you go, you know I've got 10 minutes left. I'm already finished. I think I'll review. Those are the students who have great executive functioning skills. And then you get the kids who are like, oh my gosh, there's only 10 minutes left and I'm finished. And then they start working hard and then they get distracted and off task and they don't get it all done. So it's the ability to estimate time.
Speaker 2:So that's in the upper half of your prefrontal cortex. The lower half is impulse control. So it's students who just can't control thoughts or feelings they have and they just come right out of them. So the most basic example would be if you're a kid in class and you feel the need to fart, hopefully silence it and have some social deportment and try to silence it. There's other kids who just let it rip and then that excites other students and hopefully there are some students in the classroom who are like, oh, I'm not going to laugh at them, that would hurt their feelings or embarrass them, and they don't laugh. But then there's always, especially the boys, who start cracking up and then they start making farting sounds with their arms and then there's bedlam in the classroom. So that's the lower area and that's for impulse control. Movement control is on the backside of your prefrontal cortex and those are for people who just can't sit still. They might have gross motor activity, lots of movement, squirming around, and others with more fine motor. They just need to move. I myself like to fidget with pens. I always have a pen with me. I can just move that around if I need to.
Speaker 2:Now, when you look at the diagnosis of ADHD, you can have students who have all three of those, so they're hyperactive. They have poor impulse control, they have poor executive functions. You can have students who just have impulse control but their executive functioning is fine and they don't have the hyperactivity. And you can have students with just executive functioning skills, so they're pretty good at impulse control, their hyperactivity. For our daughter, her hyperactivity waned around puberty but she still has the executive functioning difficulties and staying organized, especially when it's not something she cares about, like cleaning her room or her bathroom. The other day I said to her it looks like someone was murdered in your bathroom. It might be time to clean the shower. So you can have a mix of those things. And the executive function skills are so important, as Abby mentioned, for middle school, going into high school and keeping track of everything because they're schoology.
Speaker 2:But then the teacher, one of my students the other day it was the end of class he was pretty much checked out. He has ADHD. He was ready to roll, talked to his buddies and the teacher happened to mention that oh, if you do a certain thing you get extra credit. But he didn't write it down so of course lost the opportunity for extra credit. And then he can't figure out Schoology half the time. And I was so tickled last week. For the last 45 years I get this American Express appointment book. It's huge and I can write everything in it. I showed him how I use it and they'd sent me an extra copy and I went to my desk and I brought it over to him. I said what do you think? Would you like it, desk? And I brought over to him.
Speaker 2:I said what do you think? Would you like it? His face just lit up and he was like yes, unless you need it, and I'm like no, I have one man, it's yours, and I taught him how to use it and how to put in dates for exams and then how to backdate a week and write in start studying for the exam. I taught him how to use it and hopefully he's using it.
Speaker 4:I don't know, I'll see him next week. Well, you got to check on it. You got to check on it. That's a really good piece of material for a kid to have. Some schools require planners and they're checking. But they have to be checked. They can't just say here's the planner, good luck.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the teacher has to look at it at the end of the class or the day and just say, hey, did you? Write it down. Oh, I noticed you're missing that. Let's write that down. And there is research that when you write something, it's definitely in your memory better than if you keyboard it in. With technology, the ADHD kids can put stuff in their notes section or set alarms, which is very beneficial. Old school and believe in writing it down. And when you write it down, it's locked in your memory.
Speaker 4:Craig, I have a calendar on my phone, a Google calendar, and then I also write it down. And when I write, as soon as I write it down, I don't really need to look at it anymore, because I can remember it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's great. I just about a month ago figured out that Google Calendar thing and it pops up on my emails and I'm like, yeah, the podcast or something. Oh, that's cool. I still don't really know how to use it. I'd just rather write it down in the American Express book and then I've got it. But it doesn't hurt to get those reminders, and especially at my age, when you're in retirement not that I'm retired at all. I don't have to keep track of the days of the week like I did when I was in a school. Yes, and so there's days. I'm like what day is it? I forgot? Oops.
Speaker 4:I also noticed recently some kids cannot tell time on an analog clock.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:And that to me is very scary that they can't use a resource that's in their classroom, that they don't know how to tell time. We're no, we stopped teaching kids about that skill.
Speaker 2:And it's essential because you can watch that hand move. There is the one clock I can't remember the name of it, it came out about 20 years ago where you set the timer, the dial, and it's yes, and you can watch the red disappear.
Speaker 4:That's a great timer. There's an app for it actually there is. Yes, of course. Oh, there is something. What do I need to bring with me? All of those pieces we need to teach kids so that they show up on time, so that they're prepared with their materials? How many times do we need to drive their sneakers to school because it's a PE day? They need that responsibility. I often recommend to families that they have a checklist for their child on the wall before they leave the house, and if you forget it too bad, so sad. That was your job.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I miss when my son was at the school where I was at. They had an old school calendar. They'd send it at the beginning of the year with beautiful pictures of the campus and then we'd write things in the blocks. You know what he had to do. Nobody does that. It's all online now. You don't have the visual.
Speaker 4:That's right. I've been telling families when I go visit their houses and kind of evaluate things and give them recommendations. A paper calendar is most helpful for your child so that they can add things on there, they can remember. We're building those synapses in their brain and they need to see what's happening, you know, so that they're aware of their space and their time and a test coming up. Those are all important skills.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we found with our daughter that sticky notes work great. My wife is a big sticky. She leaves them for me too. Don't forget, feed the dog, Empty the dishwasher. There's always sticky notes for me and our daughter and she needs that, Because if you tell her the night before especially, oh, tomorrow, don't forget to do this and that it's gone.
Speaker 2:She has what you call the Etch-a-Sketch working memory. It's there, but she takes two steps and it disappears. It is gone. So the sticky notes work great and there's so many of those. You know we call them accommodations, but there's tools that students need to learn and be able to do those things. Be able to do those things. Now back to so you start with assessments and is how many hours would that be for? Just so, parents out there thinking about this, like, what kind of time? How long does it take?
Speaker 4:So the assessment that my coworker Leslie does is part of the Woodcock-Johnson and it is an hour long, it has eight subtests and it just focuses on reading. So the good thing is we can do that within a week of the conversation and she then creates a report with steps for families for what to do next and how to support that child.
Speaker 2:Here's your list of recommendations.
Speaker 4:Yes, unfortunately, teachers cannot diagnose things like dyslexia. That is not in their toolbox. They can say there's something going on here that doesn't look right. Red flags yeah, one of the things at our office.
Speaker 2:we do academic assessments. We also do what's called projective testing to look at a child's emotional functioning and their sense of self, and we really try to get them in quick. And the most important thing is we do a two-week guaranteed turnaround for your testing results once they've met a student. And if we don't get it done in two weeks, they get $500 off. Oh, I like that. We've only missed one or two in the last 10 years.
Speaker 3:I like that.
Speaker 2:Because it's so frustrating to wait, then get the assessment and then wait for the report. It takes forever and by then you've missed your IEP deadline, or okay. Now we've got to wait until next fall to do it and it's just a nightmare. Now for students who say have dyslexia, how frequently does the tutor visit with them, work with them?
Speaker 4:I definitely. We definitely use the Orton-Gillingham program for kids with dyslexia and it's recommended at least twice a week in the summertime, sometimes three times a week and I recommend for families who get this as a new diagnosis and are interested. We have there's a program that Ellen Steinberg started called Every Child a Reader. It's five weeks in June and July and it's at the campus where Johnson and Wales used to be and it is phenomenal for kids who have dyslexia and there's small groups, lots of assessments and can help a child grow the year's worth that they may have missed a child. Grow the year's worth that they may have missed, because oftentimes when you see that there's a problem they're already behind. So we need to catch them up and that summer program is fantastic. It's called Every Child a Reader and it's in Denver and I think they also have it at the Havern School. Oh, do they Okay?
Speaker 2:I was just speaking there a week or so ago.
Speaker 4:Yeah, if families get this diagnosis and are looking for something for the summertime, I highly recommend it. If they are interested in twice a week tutoring for an hour at a time, then Can Do Learners can help them and support them. But it just depends on what your schedule is like. But if your kid can't read when they're coming into fourth and fifth or sixth grade, they're going to struggle through everything. Although soccer camp may be fun, they need to read. Illiteracy rate is just scary. So definitely encourage them to get support during the year with Can Do Learners and then in the summertime with the camp program.
Speaker 2:There was one I don't know if it's still around down in Telluride, colorado, which is in the mountains, for if you're not from Colorado, it's a beautiful, absolutely gorgeous outside of Telluride, maybe outside of Durango. It's a beautiful, absolutely gorgeous outside of Tyrone, maybe outside of Durango.
Speaker 4:But the kids would do reading intensive reading instruction in the mornings, like in a yurt that sounds great.
Speaker 2:In the afternoons they'd go rafting, rock climbing, all this high adventure stuff. Did your daughter do that? She didn't, but I've had several kids who have done it. Wow, A friend of mine was teaching it, but I don't know if they I'm blanking on the name, of course, not sure they're still there. But it combined fun and adventure of sleepaway camp with reading and really does need to be intensive and you need that kind of time.
Speaker 4:But they also need to have fun.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're kids. It's an executive functioning piece. Does the person come to have fun? Yeah, they're kids, the executive functioning piece. Does the person come to the house once a week, a couple times a week?
Speaker 4:Some parents would love to have another adult come every single day, but we recommend once or twice a week until we get into a pattern and we start seeing success. But once it's specifically taught to kids and how to calendar like that skill of calendaring your assignments then they follow a pattern and then it's checked up by somebody because parents turn into the wah wah, wah. But these other adults who are high school teachers, former high school teachers, writers that I work with and I also have a college professor who works with us they have seen this over time and how the changes have occurred in kids' brains and the importance of calendaring and problem solving for a test and they have experience with it. So you're getting in with somebody once or twice a week at your home. For a lot of families people weren't going out into the world and having someone come to your house is really a wonderful thing to do and it helps them realize that someone else cares besides their annoying nagging parents.
Speaker 2:As my daughter has often said to me when I tried to give her advice on how to be more have executive functioning skills, and I'm like, honey, people pay me for this. And she's like but you're not their father, she doesn't want to hear it from me. And then she'll hear something from a friend and she'll be like oh, they taught me how to do this. And I'm thinking I've mentioned that 40 or 50 times because it came from a friend. Or, in this case, it's a caring adult, and we know in search that a caring adult is crucial to learning, that that's who students will gravitate to and feel supported by and will really take off. It's a caring adult that is so important.
Speaker 4:Yeah, do you also think like with little kids? In order for them to learn something new, they have to see it 10,000 times? You know mistakes over and over again. Would you say it's the same for a teenager? Hearing it from someone else means that it's correct.
Speaker 2:Oh God, TikToks do this. Yeah, then they'll go and do it. Don't do that. But yeah, they needed to learn from others. That's the drive for separation from your parents. That's a fundamental drive. If they didn't have that, they would stay at home, They'd never move into the world and they'd stay there and you would die. And then they're 65 going. I never got married. I don't really have a job.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that failure to launch is definitely happening and I've seen it with my older son's friends. A lot of them aren't getting their licenses. They don't want their responsibility, they're fearful about what would happen if they got into an accident. They don't want to talk to someone they don't know. But our job as parents is to push our kids out of their comfort level yeah, out of the nest and yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they have to take on discomfort. I always talk to kids you've got to lean into the pain, got it? I like that. And so we had a man last night. He's 23, and he has autism spectrum disorder. He's very smart and wants to school minds and he's got anxiety with social interaction and unfortunately, he treats his anxiety with pot and that's always anxiety, but it also diminishes his motivation.
Speaker 2:So he just stays at home and gets high and I'm like no concern, that's interfering with your development. You're not going to find a partner, you're not going to move out in the world if you're just getting high all the time staying home. And it medicates them. So it takes away his anxiety. But also his motivation is gone. And you just see in the computer so many of the young adults I see they're just on the computer all the time. That's their sanctuary. You're like you're missing out on real life.
Speaker 4:So what do you recommend for people, recommend for people?
Speaker 2:with that, our group therapy and we have a young adult group that goes up to 30, is getting them in a group setting with other teens, young adults, and then doing things, going out and having fun. And I'll never forget taking my high school group camping. I used to twice a year I'd take them camping and there was one young man who he was in the autism spectrum range. A gifted linguist, he ended up going to CU for studying Japanese.
Speaker 2:He was fascinated by Japanese culture and, oh, that cartooning I can't remember what they call that the Japanese anime he was really into anime and we were camping and I taught him how to use an axe and he was over there just chopping wood one piece after another and he said this is awesome and I'm like, and it's a lot better than that stuff you watch online, isn't it? And he said, yes, it is. I'm like, there you go, this is real life, this is actually doing something, and being with a group and sitting around a campfire Got it Really. I've always felt like for groups they have to be active and involved and get engaged in real stuff, and we have birthday parties for whoever has the birthday and field trips. It needs to be out there and interacting and challenging yourself and pushing yourself to go to some place you've never been to and you're nervous about it. What's it going to be like to go to a trampoline park? I've never been to one. I don't want to go and you're like you'll be fine To remember how we want to. There used to be a place called Fun Pucks. Remember how we went to Fun Pucks? Yeah, it's like that, but it's got trampolines and it's very safe and you'll be fine. And then they get there and they have a blast, but you have to get them out doing stuff. That's really critical. Now, another area I want to separate with you, abby, is so for our parents.
Speaker 2:There's some children who have what are called processing issues. So, as a dyslexic myself, the part of my brain for sound symbol association phonics, old-fashioned phonics, it's not there, it doesn't work. I finally got better reading about fifth grade because I had memorized the words. So I'm a whole word person. I just memorized the word and then I got it. My spelling is still awful. That's a processing issue and that's the thing that takes intensive remediation. So when Abby mentioned Oren Gillingham, that's a phonics-based intensive program of remediation.
Speaker 2:Now you also have students and that could also be like an auditory processing disorder, where the student can hear but they don't make sense of all the language that's being spoken to them. Then you can also have production issues. So these are students who they can process the information. But let's say, getting it on paper, how to write a paper, how to start on a paper, how to organize a paper, how to start on a paper, how to organize a paragraph, how to organize a two-page report. It's not there, they just aren't able to produce it.
Speaker 2:And I think back to an episode of the Simpsons years ago where Bart was struggling with French history and he was in the basement studying and he decided that he had ADHD, of course, and every time that he got distracted he'd slap himself. Well, it was comical because there was Bart in the basement slapping himself every two seconds and of course he failed the test. But then the teacher came over or he was with the teacher, I don't know if it was home or at the school and the teacher started talking to him about French history and he knew it all. He could do it verbally, but he couldn't write it down or take the test, and the teacher's, like you, pass. And so sometimes kids just need different ways to demonstrate. They have the knowledge, they just need a different way to show it. Is that something you work with as well?
Speaker 4:Definitely, and I really like the idea of the seven intelligences I think there's now nine multiple intelligences and a good school and a good teacher will allow a child to talk through something like the French Revolution or acting it out or having different modes to share their learning, and a flexible teacher will be able to do that and pick up the nuances of oh, he knows what's going on. This student really understands it. They just can't write an essay on it. You know it's a production piece.
Speaker 2:Exactly. I was at Cambridge on a broad program, junior in college, and discovered tutorials where you just met with a professor and they even have special robes they wear like out of Harry Potter and just talk about it and I loved it. And in graduate school I had several professors. I just said I'd like to opt out for a tutorial and we can just debate psychology and philosophy and theology, and absolutely loved it. That was a lifesaver.
Speaker 4:Now, craig, I don't know if you're aware of this, but the 504s that a lot of kids are getting and have at school to help with allergies, asthma, adhd they might be on the chopping block soon to get rid of them and I am very concerned about that in this country need to stand up and say no. We need to protect our kids' rights and be able to show whether they need extended time, they need a quiet space. They need to be able to stand up during their learning time because a lot of kids sitting for them, it's difficult. But those 504 plans are life-saving and can show how much a student really knows. And when I was in graduate school, we had to do a long paper. It was an exam, three or four hours and it was done in a huge room with lots of people. Well, to my professor about it and I took it at her house on a time when no one else was there. I had a computer, I got to share my ideas, had as much time as I wanted. What good teaching is?
Speaker 2:It's not just following every single yeah that's right, and you're not just reading out of a book to the classroom.
Speaker 4:That doesn't really matter.
Speaker 2:It's just. But to think about our kids losing those services is terribly frightening. And one of the things that's so important and I'm assuming you do this too at your office is what's called self-advocacy Teaching children about their struggles, their strengths. So you always want to be strengths-based. These are what you're strong at, these are theirs. It's harder for you. These are accommodations that help you, and having students learn how to say that to the teacher is really critical, especially as they're moving to high school and college. Oh, definitely, you have to learn to self-advocate.
Speaker 4:If those sentences are taken away, then you're like yeah, so sometimes I will tell my tutorsors why don't you help them write an email to the teacher? You work on it together. I need help with this. I'm struggling with this. I need more time. Yeah, time should never be a barrier for kids if they need more time or space to do something, because in reality, when you're in the working world, often we redo things, we make things up, we get extensions. It's not a yeah, it's not a debt. My son was having that problem in high school. They had to have the grades in by December 19th. What happened to December 20th, january 1st, january 2nd?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and are you hire someone? My father told me in third grade when I got a D in handwriting and I have his handwriting which couldn't and he wrote his name on a piece of paper. He said can you read that, son? I'm like no, sir. He said that's my name. Nobody can read mine either. Someday you'll hire somebody to do it for you. Someday you'll hire somebody to do it for you. And indeed, I have an amazing editor that edits edit both of my books and it's all the articles I write. I send it to her. She takes care of all that for me reg.
Speaker 4:I can help you if you want to make a change to your handwriting. That's another area of my specialty no desire.
Speaker 2:It's chicken's crepe. I can't even read it. Sometimes I'm like what did I write down? I can't figure it out.
Speaker 4:But I've worked with many high school kids who their parents were like we can't see anything. He can't even read his notes, and I remember having this kid say to me this is the first time that I've ever been able to read what I wrote. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I just wanted to enter. I wanted to interject really quick because I just, as you're talking about, like how things are evolving my son, who's about to graduate from CU when, when I first came out a couple of years ago, the teachers they allow kids to use it. He's in a high level finance and accounting program business and it's encouraged. And so one thing that I have in kids of all ages, but like with my youngest, who also suffers pretty severely with dyslexia, is having conversations with the teacher because you start to realize spelling is important but reading is more important, because when they go to third grade they're getting a Chromebook, they got spellcheck everywhere. It doesn't have the same emphasis as putting the focus on reading, because when you have a kid that has such a high deficit in having that visual understanding of reading and comprehension, that way it's such a, it's such a self-fulfilling prophecy Like you can't spell, you can't read. But when you're like, but there's tools, like there's spell check, Reading is important.
Speaker 2:Sometimes spell doesn't help because I'm so far off.
Speaker 3:But it helps a little more. Well, it doesn't help because I'm so far off, but it helps a little more. But it's just that I think we have, as in an education system, and when you see, like the broad spectrum of it, what happens in college, compared to what we're putting the emphasis on in elementary school, like with my son, I'm like this is just not. This isn't the most important. The most important is that you learn to read and you love to learn to read, because nothing destroys a desire to read than having to be forced to read every day when it is something you're not good at. And I just think I wonder too if it's happening on college campuses that AI is now being embraced, because you can't stop it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:How long does it trickle down to? But I do feel like those are the tools that, like, give hope for kids that really struggle, because it's different.
Speaker 4:And I will tell you Audible is amazing. Speechify is amazing. Have it read to them. If they're having a hard time, have it read to them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then their imagination. You get engaged and they're having a hard time. Have it read to them yeah, and then their imagination get engaged and they can enjoy it versus struggling trying to read it. No, I love audio stuff and hopefully my second book will be on audio Hopefully soon. It was supposed to be four months ago but we had some production issues. But, annie, just real quick. I've really enjoyed having you on. I want to get your take on my philosophy with homework. It is the bane of parents' existence and especially if you have an exceptional student, it's a nightmare and I've told so many families over the years. Some nights just bag it, just say we're not doing homework. Tonight. I'll write a note to your teacher. This is no homework night. We're just going to watch a show together or play. What's your thought?
Speaker 4:I think it's important to review what you've learned. However, you don't need to be doing problem after problem to show what you know. You can, if necessary, cut the problems in half or set a timer. We're going to do this for 15 minutes and then stop and we're done, but it should not become an argument between you and your child on a nightly basis. When I was in the classroom, I was very big and okay, these are your assignments, we need to get them done, and then you know what Life happens you end up at the ER, somebody's starting bleeding, somebody gets sick. So you need to be flexible and that's really an important thing. But it's also really good for kids with ADHD to receive assignments early so that they can practice if they need to or get graded work back from teachers. If a teacher is not inspecting the work that kids are doing, whether it's math or writing, then they can't expect them to do a good job.
Speaker 2:They don't know and they're not checking. And then the issue is getting it logged in on the computer. Yeah, they have so many kids, especially if your student's an athlete and if they have a big game away or something, the teacher will give them a couple extra days to get the assignment done or take the test. But then the parents see the online thing and says you got a d, and the kids, yeah, did really well on that test. They haven't logged it in yet. And so you know this constant battle of what is the kid's grade and some teachers aren't very good at getting it in.
Speaker 2:Others are very proficient at it.
Speaker 4:And I also think it's communication. It used to be that families, when I was in the classroom, could come in at any time and observe what we were teaching. A lot of schools right now want to keep the families outside the building and don't want parents to know what's going on. That, to me, is absolutely ridiculous.
Speaker 2:Yeah, versus inviting them in and making them part of the team. Yeah. The relationship between the parent and teacher is so critical and with exceptional kids we know the parents get 10 times the negative phone calls from school as neurotypical students.
Speaker 4:That's right, and they just feel beat down.
Speaker 4:Craig that's why I came up with the name Can Do Learners. My business used to be called Dear Abby Tutors before COVID, when it was just me helping as many kids as I could fit in a week, and now I have about 30 teachers that I work with. Wow, now I have about 30 teachers that I work with and they are bringing the philosophy that we can do hard things Sometimes we just need help, and that we need to believe in ourselves. When kids' self-confidence goes down, when they start thinking bad thoughts about themselves or feeling that they're stupid, then they can't do anything. They're frozen.
Speaker 2:And then they learn strategies to avoid feeling that way. That's right, my students in fourth grade. She was telling me about going to chapel. The priest would pick students to read out of the Bible, which I won't do. I refuse to do that because there's so many words in there. You're like I have no idea. But she said to me. She said I leave my glasses in my desk when I go to chapel because if she asks me I can say oh, I don't have my glasses.
Speaker 4:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:So she's avoiding embarrassment, but it's not taking care of the problem. That's right. You learn a lot of coping skills that aren't very good, but you're trying to save yourself.
Speaker 4:We need to create a generation of can-do learners that they can rise to the occasion. They can get excited about challenges instead of feeling defeated when something is hard, because that's where the learning happens At that point of it's hard. And I can do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and when they feel that it changes everything. I'm thankful for a couple of high school teachers. I had senior year that changed my life because I felt like I can do this. I can talk about what caused the Civil War.
Speaker 4:I can't spell all the names of the generals no but that's okay, I can talk and same with my psychology professor teacher and I changed my life.
Speaker 2:It was just fabulous, abby, it's been a delight having you. On One last final question For parents who are listening, who are out of state how did they go about finding someone like you? Resources what do you recommend?
Speaker 4:Well, they can check out my website at can-do-learnerscom. I've considered expanding to other places across the country. I do have a lot of teacher friends so that if there's someone in LA and you need help in LA, I do know some people out there that I can connect you with. You want to work, you want your kid to work with somebody who cares about your child. That's the most important thing and making that connection with them. Because when kids feel that someone else cares about them more important than anything else, then they that's right. That's right when a lot of times, sometimes when they're in class, the teacher will yell at them or get frustrated with them and then the kid turns off and then they no longer like Spanish or they no longer like math or they no longer because of that teacher, of that teacher. So I welcome people to contact me through my website. My email is abby at candolearnerscom and I will connect them with people in other places if I can. We also have a few online tutors that are absolutely amazing.
Speaker 2:You can access them from anywhere.
Speaker 4:That's right, and it's easier for kids who are in middle and high school to do that. The younger kids definitely need somebody right with them and need to see how our mouths move. That's why the masks and COVID were so difficult. We now have all these kids who are having speech issues and please reach out and contact me. We're in Denver, we're expanding all over Denver and if you're a teacher who is ready to get out of the classroom and still enjoys working one-on-one with a student, give me a call, send me an email and we can make it happen. We can do anything.
Speaker 2:That's great.
Speaker 2:You can do, that's great. You can do, that's right, I love it. And just one last thing for our audience. We mostly talked about dyslexia and ADHD today. A little bit on autism. But there's a variety of learning issues so children might have slower processing speed. They understand it, but it just takes them a while longer to get there and they need extended time or shortened assignments, things like that. There could be auditory processing. There's all sorts of issues. Working memory issue you can have struggles just with that. There's all sorts of issues that you can filter out. And we didn't even talk about math. There are students who have dyscalculia, which the whole math thing makes no sense to their brains. But get that assessment and makes no sense to their brains. But get that assessment and then get support for your child. Well, I want to finish with things of beauty and legit parenting award, but again, abby, you're welcome to hang on for that. But thank you again for being on the show today. It's been just delightful.
Speaker 4:Thank you so much, Craig.
Speaker 2:Take care. God bless All right For things of beauty and legit parenting award. This first one is combined. Thank you so much, craig.
Speaker 2:Take care her four-month-old baby. It was her four-month-old birthday when I was with her and my niece is just loving motherhood. She absolutely just loves it and she is just the model. She just looks fabulous. She's so peaceful and happy, although tired a lot, and she is the model of gentle parenting. She's just a very gentle parent and very close and very loving. But the baby's only four months and she's also been blessed. Her daughter is a very rhythmic sleeper, so she wasn't colicky or any of that and just an adorable little girl and very mellow and just smiles all the time and we were talking about parenting and she's very aware of her being blessed by being able to stay at home. She was a nurse for 10 years and she's a doula, which is very popular in Seattle, and her husband and their baby are going to Australia for a year where he's going to be doing his fellowship in endocrinology and she's very open about it. I've been blessed with being able to stay home and don't have to work and that they were able to plan their family around his academic tasks and finances we also talked.
Speaker 2:She said all parents should stay away from social media and the mom influencers because they just make you feel worse. I couldn't agree more. And also that all the kids are different and so one size fits all. For parents it's just BS. There is no such thing. Every kid's different, and she told me a story about how in their family that there's some bassinet device. I'd never heard of it, but it's like snuggles your child and then it rocks automatically. When they fuss, this thing starts rocking and it has lights on it and they dim or get brighter and soothe the baby back to sleep. And all the cousins have used it with their babies and loved it and it got passed on to her and my daughter hated that thing. She made her scream even more so they ditched it and that's the whole thing. You do what your baby needs. So sleep training might work for some babies and others it doesn't. Or maybe they still get restless and they still stir. There's some new research out on that. But it just was so beautiful to just be with her and her new infant and see how they're thriving and also realize that parenting is. Every child is different and their next one, I think they're going to have four. Three or four might be totally different than this one, and she hasn't hit that phase of the three-year-old yet that's coming. So this is to my niece, and just the joy of watching her being a new mom it's just fabulous. And then, finally, for things of beauty make me cry. One of the greatest joys in my life is helping children, and especially now the young adults, the teens, thrive and seeing them blossom right in front of me is just such a blessing.
Speaker 2:And I worked with a young man who was in his mid-20s and really stuck. He had this huge dream of being a fashion designer in New York City. That was his goal and he went out there several times and tried to make a go of it and couldn't get in the industry and would run out of money and come back to Denver and then he'd go try it again. And I worked with him on and off and I was so tickled. About a month ago he told me that his new fashion company was online and I ordered one of his shirts and one of his hats and he sent me this note that I'll read to you. That came with my package of my new clothing and it's high-end stuff, it's just amazing. But he wrote, craig.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for the support. Truly, I would not be here without your help in getting me out of that deep hole I had been in. It means a lot to me to have you in my life and he signed it. So here's to all the young adults that maybe they didn't get the start. They wanted to COVID, rock their world and to see them thrive. It just is a true blessing my job. Thank you very much. I hope the listeners enjoyed today's show. If you did, please share it with another parent and let them know about it. And until next time, just remember to relax. You only have to be this side of good enough. Thank you.